birdus, bird rocks sky. 天下羽帝。


my search for my absent girl,zhou by benzrad
September 30, 2006, 7:28 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

odyssey in summer holiday: my search for my absent girl
2006-08-10 20:58:14 benz
what can soothe my bitter and biting miss for the girl from daqing practised in qrrs and disappeared like sun ray from my view before i can cling to and hold it.what can help a broken dream rewind and reunited us that can render me in heaven.
i beg u,girl zhou,leave me a clue to reach u,to trace u,to follow u.restless night i had endured in a once love teared me apart that time and i think i deserved not to lose u any more.
day in day out,i count every pieces of memories where u presented around me in the flashing period u stayed in the dormitory and continuingly found its likely to flow out,leaving my empty hands in the short random life of a humble man.
give me a chance to know u pl,as i entreat u twice.

2006-08-11 17:58:08 benz
a new dusk.i know i survived another heartthrobing day.i enjoyed beauties as usual and brake my neck to peek around,but i know my heart was dented by u,zhou.i times and times told myself i had a better choice with u.in fact with u i with the world.i remember ur jumping hairs when u stepped onto the ladder to the commom to withdraw money from coupon.i rember ur princess beaming above me when i look up to u on the second u leave the common and we encountered shoulder by shoulder.i remember ur pleased smiling tone to ur classmate when he ask u how to handle ur knife and ur coward tone when i steadily asked u secondly if i can know u when u departing qiqihar in the dormitory yard where we spend so many and so few days.but i mostly remembered ur shy but tenderly warming reckon to my first request to know u,u said then we r already acquainted.its so shocking grace that i lost all my words but left to choose to play badminton with u,but u know that not what i intended and i just want a private space with u

2006-08-11 18:22:24 benz
and u rebuke me by silence.u hinted me to chase after u to chat with u in 2 occasions but i missed.for i stubbornly think u should treat me different from the scratch.i know u will please all my dreams on wife at the moment u appeared in front of me in the night u was summoned and i ran into meeting the team outside the door.thats ur second time tentatively show urself to me among ur classmates.my soul was suddenly full of pride and love.i love u so.i dream u so.i had searched u so many years so.time a time again i destinied to find myself a tall wife with perfect buildups.time a time again i can’t hold my soul thirsties back in my 30s years so far in the world.i love beauty just like u.i love tender just like u.i seek being fullfilled with u.i can endure all loneliness for the sake u settled beside me like a feather to earth.i won’t say i want u for god says wanting will keep u from it but that’s just my yell,i would rather shut up all my voice to let the tender silent rebendable wish lead u approaching me

2006-08-11 18:43:28 benz
yes,u talked to me once when u return from the common and passed by some herds of newcomers to qrrs but i don’t know then and regard them ur classmates.i didn’t regret for my losing words to u at the moment for i think i deserved a face to face talk with u and without peering eyes.so many coincidence with u without any viable clue make me think we r preset united.i two nights step out dormitory without any cue or precedence and met u.its indeed.the day u went out to play badminton just when i felt our love doomed and miserable on the distant chair and i suddently felt ur presence and turned around finding u.in the 2 days after ur leave i retrospected all ur eyes behind the window behind the scenes and felt u must like me from very a early time since ur arrival.i inspected the possible time u decided to show me ur charm,or in my view u start to love me and i more and more belived u from the start when i sat on the chair reading pda when u queued to line in u cared me.i believed one or 2 points i let u heartthrob.

2006-08-11 19:03:03 benz
reviewing these let my heart full of self pity but i know i will get u.u r mine.u even controled me once when i stared a girl padding her bedcloth in sunshine and suddenly felt a cold shock.at the moment a man on his motor challenging me.u soon appeared behind me and i captured u on the stand rightly and leak a word:awesome.thats my first word to u.i know ur awesome.today i still believed in u.i know u can enforced and enhenced me.
i missed so many to catch u but i know there is a place i turned my back and found u.ur gracious smile belong to me.ur jumpping hairs,like ur unbeattable confidence,ur slim wrest and tall and trunkalike legs,ur bloomy face even without my full scan,they all belong to me,to my sole secret heart,my secret mind,my secret soul fountain.i offer u a tiny but boundless garden in my soul to caltivate.the garden i locked so many years ignored so many beautiful girl minds in my growups by ignorance,now i know that’s urs.im just the keeper,ur master servant.

2006-08-11 19:10:52 benz
ur mine.ur the crowned queen of my kingdom.i will spent 25 years with u.we will have 2 children.l love u.i love u forever.i love u from the heaven to the earth.i wish after spending enough nights’ dream with u u then appears in front of me beaming in the sun.that’s all our family.
kiss u.

2006-08-12 09:40:50 benz
another sweating night and peaceful dawn.i woke up with painful body and soul.i finished breakfast and idle around but only found can’t rid u from my mind.u lingered in my soul like a vain froggy cave,like a sleepless winter with always pale sky and indifferent wind cries.i stroke everywhere to search scent of ur smell but only lead nore empties.i looked at the lake surface mirroring sky and saw newly planted weeds weeping.i looked at the faces floating around me and saw fate made them all distant and caged.i see nowhere but the vain u left in my heart.it block my running days.u took away my pleasure of communication with my another part and deprived me of my vivid desire for a milk and honey land on ur body as well as ur soul i deserved.without u i like a fountain with dying source,without u i like a bird losing his componion.i m now a dumb bird in fact.u took away my confidence on my abilty to build my home with our hands and my thirsty to witness the full beauty of the universe.

2006-08-12 09:56:08 benz
i can run out of words to express my miss for u,but the vain hollow u indented in my body strives to surive forever.god leaves an opening in our hearts. i don’t know how to remind u to seal it in every right moment from now on.u r free of duty to do so but u can’t evade ur soul’s cry for mounting the way leading u to my bedside.u r mine.ur mine.u r a thousand years of mine.any obstacle can darken ur eyes but wind and sunshine always removed them from the bottom.
kiss u again.kiss u with

2006-08-12 13:44:10 benz
i can’t help but return now that burning heart and fatigued feet called.i changed coupon for exchanges to surf here for i ran now out of pocket money.world left not too much dust on me but the insatiable will to demonstrate my conquer to the unconquered.i beat,i frustrate,i swallow bitters yet open my eyes widely.i crawl,i trumble,i laugh at god’s guide on me at every corner in the mud.i packed myself like a knife ready in ur hand.i put my sights beyond ur jumping hairs sheltering ur windscreen.u r my pivot,my pioneer.i m ur vehecle.my son in ur womb and my daughter in ur arms.u r my backyard with grape trees shelfing sunshine and olive trees pointing height.i m urs.i m ur husband,ur watch eagle of ur dream in the dark in the night.i m vain.i m the fire warm ur cold clogged limb and the earth build ur pole.u fullfilled me by concrete,entertained me via home and family.my home in heaven and ur home in my heart.u r my heart.u let me see beauty and owning and satisfactory.i owe u.

2006-08-12 14:12:30 benz
but i have chance to redeem.u will be entertained by my land,my kingdom,my people and my soul.i m ur king,ur consistant loving king.i embrace u with my late tender,my sutle interest in truth,in beauty,in benevolence.u r my baby,my kid sister my parents didn’t give.i can comb ur hairs,massage ur wrest,bite ur eardrops,sing u a song and kiss ur watery lips.i m urs.at ur disposal.i m the band around ur hair,the ointment on ur nail.i m ur king.my people will applaud for the light and lightning u bring to me.on every leaves after rainbow u will see my feast.in every river flowing swift u will wit my plenty.i m ur king.sun rise,sun set,u’ll see my routine support to ur need,flower blooms,flower withers,i do my sniff on ur neck.u r mine.u r mine already one thousand years.i m ur master,my lamb,my kid sister,my baby,my heartthrob.my dearest,my sweatest.i looked over the sea floating the boat u drove away,i knew the day u back.i’ll be there the port,with my endurance and my bluest eyes

2006-08-12 14:52:11 benz
dear,what can soothe my relentless miss for u?all ur beauty was so near,just an elbow’s reach.today u still can lend me ur beauty to feed my torn and thirsty sight landscape.but u refused.u thirst for torments u can and only u can exert on my tiny heart.u do,u do,the merciless princess,my master.u do,u do,to extend our longings to a new height of tension.i longing u.i need u.i beg u.i surrender to u.u win.
from every girl passed by,i compared with u.for every male i ignored,i beg a retreat.i need u.with union with u,i need nothing to manifest to the world.with unification with u,i challenge god.baby,my kid sister,let me see u,smell u,sense u,touch u,play with u all my skills on earth or on heaven,vocal or mobile,mind or find.u took away so much from me that i bearly support myself.i listened to spontaneous chorus in the trees or near the lake,but only found my chorus with u.i listen to the beijing opera practise in the workers’ palace just wondering which stage our honeymoon now set.

2006-08-12 14:56:27 benz
i love,my dear.i will care my baby recently full day for my ex-wife now in charge of a graduating class.bye.
kiss u again and agins.u r there mine.i love u.

2006-08-13 08:54:59 benz
another blssed dawn,dear,u see the sunshine how cordial she is.i approach u via net again just after getting up and uncover the window curtain.i hope the internet caff named xinghai(starsea) where u haunted.i visited u returned from outside likely after surfing the night after i returned to care my baby and a rain poured timely to express my fear that u r to leave.i sat on the watery chair as soon as arrived the dorm yard and wait.2 girls walked away and around and i hope they r my friends to inform u my presence.u lately appeared and walked on the far side to kept distant from me and chatted with one of ur classmates.i felt miserable but also know u r mine.the night was ur last night ur class was summoned and i felt i had to do my presence after ur anger and fluctuation onto me so i kept stroke around ur team.the next day witness my struggle against losing u without a clear bless before u left.i stayed on the chair on the yard or rambled near ur dorm all day so as not to miss any occasion u present.i did.

2006-08-13 09:10:41 benz
and u only walked a two ways available for me to catch u.but i don’t complain.why i complain,our marriage on a day is inscribed like inscription in rock,why i complain.u like the flower in my garden,why i complain.
machine dog hunting,but i m on.why i complain?the day u shown up in front of me clumnsily pretending by accidence when i ran into with ur team and exchanged words with one of ur classmates gave me so many prde and love,why i complain.u had seen me for those days before u shown me ur decision,ur unpaired charm,why i complain?i lived 38 years in the world ,with tumble,with innocence,and u now hug me,lag me,let me enrich my love in the world,why i complain?i saw the clear star in the sunny sky,i see ur moonalike face with word-defying dignity.i love u.i love from the bottom of my heart at the moment when u shown me finally in the sun,with and without umbrella.
days after ur leave,i always imagined u didn’t directly left by taxi,i see u hide in xinghai net bar to watch me.

2006-08-13 09:54:23 benz
watching me follow u in vain to the bus stop and tried to find u in the waiting crowd.i just want to see u away well,as i in fact underconsciously prepared.after found nowhere to find ur leaving,i returned and met some men likely ur leading teachers with a qrrser packed in a taxi leaving and i knew u were the last left.u waited for me.i know,i know u care me,i know u love me.ur fragile voice when u defied my demand secondly to know u,saying u don’t want come to qqihar again,i saw the flash in ur eyes who closely peeking me,in a flash i recognized u r testing,u r holding me back.after i felt hurt upon ur reply i felt at a loss with ur coward attitude to my approach,but now i mostly cherished it,for its ur tender in front of me.u show me ur tender and helplessness.i couldn’t help holding u forever in my arms firmly,in my chest,in my soul.no one can destroy u,no one can not let us live.i promised u,no one.one one can cover ur eyes searching for me,no one can take aside my finger to ur

2006-08-13 11:02:28 benz
eyeslid.
a sunny day.a still day.buses whistle,citizen ramble,noise dispersed all over in the room.i know u r reading,my dear.heaven know which mood u r possessed currently.music rightly arise in the air in the bar.baby,could u hear my singing?u saw the day i sat on the bench facing sunset sang alone, for ur classmates test me if u would ask them to play volleyball actively.i didn’t.i sang there.then i don’t know u.u sheltered urself behind the curtail until ur classmates finished their shows prelude.but i know u,by instinct.for i seemingly never so sincerely performed to play in front of an alien body of collegians.i win u by proactivities but summons u to my front was the marrage once in heaven we had.i can’t help wondering sometimes if u can recognized my name occasionally called by the administrator of the common before u when i followed ur leave, and if u can arrived here by chinaren alumni.but time a time again i told myself u do.baby,i yet don’t know ur name,except ur family name,likely.baby,

2006-08-13 11:19:55 benz
i search fruitlessly for a empty name of a girl in her grade 2 in nankai unv. when i there prepared my master enterance exam once in a love broken my heart.i don’t know why i always like zhubajie in xiyouji(journey to the west) lost in girls’ march vanishly trying to clinch up to them by a shaddow of their skirts.but this time i wouldn’t miss.god permitted me.i know.u know.our soul permitted.our eyes permitted it.i looked into ur eyes,u first evaded with ur badminton in hand with half back to me and second u informed me on the departing way by worry in ur tone and starry in ur eyes,i have it ur permission open ur heart and locked it after me forever.i know ur permission with ur shy i had the privilege to occupy ur fragrant garden once and forever.
baby,machine dog hunting.i m to leave.the day we united the day they failed.i love u.i follow u at every corner of ur road.i m the wind wave ur hair,i m the air refresh u when u sore.i do,i do, u know,u know.i

2006-08-13 14:45:45 benz
here i m again,baby,my kid sister.noon sunshine on my back through the curtain on 2nd floor.i hope i didn’t trouble u with my more and more words.i did left the caff,i wandered to the trees yard where some aged men chorus ‘little alomo’ and really entertained me,who still rapt in words for u.i also sat aside the lake, down with the still water surface.but nowhere i can find peace and serenity with the full load of miss for u that can envy any young in season.i tried to fix my hacked to broken pda but only found my mobile disk also being hacked to illworking.i want to see my baby but was told his mother had assignment at the moment.the world seems lead me to u,my speechless beloved.baby,in this sultry afternoon,seemingly every boy has his play and every girl has her candy except me, me,i only has my solitude accompanied for years.u r the string of my fiddle but u let it loose.u let the bird tied his tongue and fear of the commence of dark night.i need u,and i don’t think it cost us much.

2006-08-13 15:10:41 benz
we r 1.5 hour’s train apart.u part me in the false claim and excuse that u dislike qiqihar but they all r in ur kingdom.i don’t ask u to stay in qiqihar.ur dislike is my dislike,the only difference is that i think we’d accept it before we change it.

2006-08-13 18:01:49 benz
then here i m again,like the story telling the return of king.dark marching near but sunset smiling as well.u see my endeavor.even ur fight out of my sight i know u win.u doomed to see my world,we r ruled to here see our fortune,with our son and daughter,with our people and fertile land.baby,u design urself,u r my design.i love u,from the heel to the hip,from the bottom to the button,from the front to the back.i saw hope in ur eyes,i saw harmony in ur legs.i saw god in ur hand.god guide u left with bags,he also guide u back with bigs.i love u.i never wrote so many to any.i never pray so wholeheart for my owns.u r mine,there and here,wax and wane,no power can disturb our pair,no energy out of our containing.i here not to bubble,i here to pacify.baby,my kid sister,let me know ur worry,and see the day u available stood me aside.honey,let me know ur name,let me put ur hands in my hands,ur heart in my heart.baby,baby,i here lean against u,u r not alone,u need just turn ur head back,i there.

2006-08-14 10:32:37 benz
so i have another 4 days to accompany u here as my ex-wife’s school changed its opening scheme.male beast around me biting and irritated my settlement but they r just bark upon wrong trees.bamboo curtain on my right hand wall adding some japanese tone to my mood.i left my son so as not to disturb his dream with my selfmade coarse disturbance,fuss.now that they like chasing,so just let them some wind and some shadow.now that they like licking,let them some bones.the world seemingly more and more smothered by energetic beasts,like their lucky bully and domineering parents showy all among the socail ladder in nowaday china.

2006-08-14 13:12:33 benz
then i return,after last posting intercepted and returned to me by eavesdrop just to tease me and also run out time.u tease me,dear.u r so distant from me,dear,i don’t know if u like to tease me or treat me fair.i only know the voice saying we r already known when i first time since my life approaching u.that’s ur promise to me.that’s my best surprise u put in my hands holding together.my dear,my kid sister,u won’t disappoint me forever and never.i love u.i treat u like my eyes and u will treat me like palm to back of palm.summer sunshine cast all over the street,made it like a boring nap,a fat cat without mice.but i know spirit moving flickers in ur lower heart,like lust river fluctuate over the tunnel under the desert.however we r enduring,my tumble finger wriggled along the road to u longly,my sight inner in nights toward the eastern not short.no matter how thick u cover ur neck with ur waving hairs,i sniff through;also no matter how vertical ur back opposing me with an arm

2006-08-14 13:41:34 benz
leading me, i will hold u tight on my chest with our mouth kissing.u r mine.now and then.here and there.

2006-08-14 17:56:12 benz
so i beseat again.a short rain wet my t-shirt and the crisp ground.i felt blessed.i m more and more used to talk to u even when i offline.if there is a better way connecting to u,i won’t hesitate a moment to access u,but u let me weave our love on the web so far.baby,baby,i dislike here in a crowd,i dislike being disturbed when i gossipping with u.but u forced me so.a day down with dusk by the drizzle,it can bring me with sorrow in hush.struggle in the sunburn is not fun.so it maybe the cause that not leading u me aside?u may right,but remember,no one can harm u,i tell u now,i tell u,no one can harm u.that’s my order in my kingdom.u r mine,enemy can block us yet to find lavatory to be given his dirty birth.yes,that’s my say.gambler and thieves all have it.lived with broken head and torn stomach all have it.that’s my say.my ordain.

2006-08-14 18:05:16 benz
a beast left,but still more come.i fight for ur children,for our family glory,for ur worshiped ancestor.dogs and crabs play its climax before the autumn,but their corpse will under the snow and turns into oil await human offspring to burn.that’s my vision.i bless it.the shouting to cry,the batting to crawl.that’s my say.i see land innocent,she fed up with robbery and pressing.she emitting.we here collected the land,we r privileged to clean the dirty and plant the beauty,that’s we say.
yes,god says they r parts of u,but i m not god.i m i m to be,to do,to make.to those like shits,offer him shits; for those like blood,offer him sword;for those like tomb,offer him death.world hold nobody.a hand in steel gloves can do.u can do,i can do.that’s all we can do.
i love u.

2006-08-15 08:00:46 benz
so i sat here again.dawn descend with peace in my awake eyes.i went out and saw the sun,its espacially so mild,so kindling,its just like spring sun after the mid sky.it make u warm and hopeful.i head to here awaiting love spring spill from my heart who is so dogtired for missing u so long.the caff preparing for reservice,so i laid my eyes fixed on the accountant,who has a enviable round breast under her loveable white shirt.i looked her slim wrest and thick bottom.i felt a little bit liking her.life so tender,i with no cause not to love any way anywhere,with or without ur companion.last night in the dorm,just after i calmed myself down from the ignited fire mood here and exchanged daily bless with my baby and his mother and ready to fetch myself a cup of water,i met the tall girl with her boyfriend,a taller young man with proper poise.i liked her very much.she had helped me a time when i suffered imaginged loss onto my beloved once by her showing me up.its her second showing up in

2006-08-15 08:20:20 benz
front of mine and i felt at once god’s so kind to me,on happy time and perished.she show her anger of discontented to me,just let me more linked to her.she also had a perfect round standing breast and palmtree-alike legs.she is not so sleeve-tucking,she is just so womanly,cosy and acceptantly.i like her,and sometimes compared her to my grand sister or mother.i don’t know if i can find them in u,but i know i m to have it,in u or by u.

2006-08-15 08:26:25 benz
i m timed now.i love u as usual.i hope u let me seen u,kissing u,with ur hand in my hand.i just can’t live without u.
i love u.bye.

2006-08-15 12:32:57 benz
so i rewind now.beast stamping around as expected.but i know i doomed to stand last.morning witness my miss for u with choruses here and there.with a bare mind of sorrow i even can’t fully appreciate the music.dogs scattered here and there,but i just raptured in my words for u.the chorus in trees sang a song lyrics ‘farewell fairwell girl in my dream,tomorrow i will head far away,if i won’t return,please …’,i was touched and known u r suffering.but,dear,but, none of us will be part, until the day u beside my bed covering my eyes don’t see with ur babies of mine with cries.the day beyond generations can see,but god promised it to us with bless,with joyes and tears,with owning and being,with benevolence.dear,dear,my kid sister,i love u like now my choked throat,like candle in collapsed mine,like blast in seconds.
world soaring,i dadle.u let me here suffer.god knows why but i don’t know.u know why but i don’t believed in urs.we’r an hour’s train apart,why not pick it soon?i admitted i always

2006-08-15 12:53:01 benz
have no clue toward girls’ taste,but u had advantage to fish in.if i m a fish in ur pool,pl let me know ur bait.
i love u.kiss u.bye.

2006-08-15 15:21:58 benz
so i m set now,now that write here to let u read at any time more interesting than i murmured and lost in mass.it turns cloudy now but there is no differences in my heart.gamers babble around and i tried to find a stance.u,and u,u r a remote sign in my sight on the over sky.i rambled and finally had to be here to wire with u in the weakest sense.u r so faint in the sensible world around me,that i sometimes felt myself miserable.baby,baby,i see limpidly the fate of ur being with me for most of my life,my being ur forever husband,but i don’t tell the moment i smell ur hands and hairs with tears.god treats me well but merciless upon my zest for a expedite warmup.u know why u treat me with so many animuses indicated in ur back to my hands out extending,ur mute to my sings to bleeding.

2006-08-15 15:55:47 benz
can u hear,baby?can u hear?i talk to u and decided talk to u till u hear.
god bless u.i love u.kiss u with my deepest love.

2006-08-15 18:05:58 benz
im set here again.with pains with hopes.with pity with tear in wild joyes.i hear u sing aside my ear in the radio from a disabled smoke vendor’s radio set.i saw promise in my pda.i know u,i need u,i bewith u.baby baby,if tears can wash,i can destroy hanghe bank;if tears can salt,i have fed u up older than me so far.girl,my honey,my worn slippers by my endless toddle around ur absence accuse ur cruciality.baby,my girl zhou,any tain has its stops,why my station can’t see ur horn?
today i bought some pears.i guess the squirrel u know in the yard trees may complains my lost in u.i left it two and ate one myself.if i spent as much time on her as here she will i guess let me hold her on my laptop,at least let me know her name.for what u treat me so immortally indifferent?
bright sunset reflects on the glass door i facing.she may doubting why i haunt here while arrived with hope left with missing.no music symphonies my song so far,only shouts of gamers.lonely in miss for u is me.love kiss

2006-08-16 07:58:57 benz
now music dancing.u belong to me.i got up too early but felt too late.i waited here for an hour and felt lounged in the train station with noise and boring as its feature.clouds cover most of the sky from eastern to western,leaving a hole in the mid sky,like my dry mouth yelling for ur milk.it had not been warm enough to let u pleased.autumn in the corner around a stop sniping and then killing winter lands like air force with freshest impetus.i dreamed in the dawn.but my vividest dream is u,ur being with me,being my wife with me.there is a painting aforetop on the wall coloring wines and cocktails,its just like ours ahead,full of deluxe and complacence.u r my wine,years brewed,years stored cool in floral valley.i m ur bear,drunk bear.the caff is now quiet,with only half used,with some social persons gossip there.many wellbeings grant the open space theirs,now that they can used it now freely.i here also being felt benefited,even i paid.many thing in china with so felt safeguards turns

2006-08-16 08:32:58 benz
out to like this,with top down.
so i was set forth now.ripple waving and forth and backward in the pool.there is nothing sepcial.there is no specail in our reunification,too.but u r specail,u r so weak,so dewy,ur world wheel still like a roll of kid.u beforth with option.
bye,i love u.kiss u.

2006-08-16 12:18:58 benz
so i be here again,in ur hands,in ur eyes,in ur faith.the sun now turns surprisingly bright.we’ll had a good time from now.how i miss here when i offline,even with faintest link with u here.i breaded and salted now but don’t know if u hunger for me.the cafe now crammed,rambles here and there.i trying to find myself a stance.days and evenings glides between us without any droplet of accord.god,i in the name of god,don’t know why u treat me so coldblooded.ice caps melting all over the world except urs built on my volcano of admires for u.miss like mist darken and wet my heart.bugs and flies stain the cafe and roads.u know why i had to seek u with answer known here on the web.if u can see,u can’t seen my drained appeals,if u can hear,u can’t heard my burnout cries.god knows why but i don’t know,u know why but i don’t belived in ur why.my most loved summer fading,my best loved girl rating.yellow leave to drip,wild wind to blow,my girl disappeared in a blink still sip the wine of my loving letters.

2006-08-16 12:48:52 benz
snow to shelf our house,spring rain to melt our well,my girl, zhou,still prepare her dowry for her bear with her nail.
bye.kiss u.

2006-08-16 17:58:08 benz
so i be here.likely spying phenomenon bankrupted my enthusiasm.a day ahead to acompany u here in a foreseeable short period.i don’t know where my talk to u lead to,but i felt my talk likely threatened.
however,i had a good time this afternoon with beijing opera.chinese traditional vocabulary talked to me and i got a glimpse within my preset.i wondering ur parents,and i know i won u.tonight likely a peaceful and harvest night.i hope i can recall interview with u in dream after wake up.dorm is not usually a fun place.i more or less was used to living with family,a family of u within.sky is so blue when i came here and the sun so bright in the cloud sea,like an emperor in chinese traditional pattern looking over the earth of his kingdom.i felt she really diligent,and stern.
i really distract by the likely hacking.so,i say bye in advance.i love u.i kiss u with my all warmth i gather under sun today.god helps me have u.

2006-08-17 09:02:56 benz
so i here again.hacking let me review.but nothing need ur close attention.dogs union and islamic terror,all shits eater, bark upon u, but they r kept at bark,just like their lazy fat wives’ doggie.god’s bless shrines our family and our land,like sitting in the core of typhoon.i love u.
this morning i got up late.i dreamd of zhangqing,whose first name same of the last name of the city u now in,whom i alumnused in high middle school and university.she led my farewell to my girlfriend in unv. nankai and one of my best friend in college,qiuxiaolin,a tall thin man with mild temper, in and enlighten the rest time of my college with pleasure in poem and painting otherwise would bore me into tears.i love u.and i know i destinied to have u,to be compensated to be reward.to be succeeded step by step and to be echoed of god’s glory and smiles.i dreamed of she danceing,like her dance she performanced in nankai unv.’s student culture festival.
so i was set forth again,here and till.mild wind shakes

2006-08-17 09:49:49 benz
hair on my forehead and music unbearable blue and beautiful.u hiss near my ear with ur mindless tease.god,in the name of god and for the sake of god,god knows why i can only summon with a part name and distill with a few memories.i heard ur sound of vioce saying we r known,but i yet to know the weight of ur body,the height of ur chest,the unit of ur love,and measure of ur foolish demand of my being on the kneel.i don’t know ur perfume,i don’t know ur kiss strongth,i don’t know the dimension between two of ur legs.i also don’t know why u don’t tell the blue deepth of ur sorrow for me in ur mute.dark dear,my dear in dark,i guarranty u good time from now on,startles and surprise will just like biscuit scattered in the bugged road.faint music whirlpools in ambiance.bugs and flies busy.overnight rotten smell smells in the half empty cafe.day shines outside of the glass door i facing.leaves reflecting,and herds.i know u heard.today i join a class of industial design 03-1 of daqing petro

2006-08-17 10:15:05 benz
baby,my kid sister,my girl zhou,sky sheltered us both,why not let us approach to each other closer in the missing world?river flew from here i m to ur side with tears of mine in it why not sent a paper boat carrying ur message of ur heart breaking for me to me looking forward?winds may helping even in opposing direction. why not let ur heart just trust to the world?my world in ur hand but u just toss it aside,my fate in ur faith but u just giggle like itching.apple in eyes of mine,milk in drough mouth and honey can cure,my dear my girl,come,and come to me.took my voyage to the wonder.
kiss u.i love u forever.

2006-08-17 14:00:03 benz
so i was band onto the seat.i just made some minor mends to my wording,then found a little girl beside me i had thought her a boy.i love u like i love the girl in a moment.god blessing.
baby,another sunny day.few clouds with pure white floating around the center part of the sky.i gazed at the sun till i found its circle,its zhou.the girl arouse me,even i still in doubt if wholely from her.buggy here and there,embarrassingly crawling on skin.yes,now i know my liking poured to her,for i exchanged some words with her.its likely a trap but doesn’t matter.i bewith the girl.
sometimes dogs harrass but they r harmful by their abilty to hurt.they just emotionally exert terror with their seemed penetrating dog eyes but in fact they r shortsighted.they can not be not shortsighted for their appetite,their comprehension.what they interested is inchangeable foul,foul and foul.let it scent well,it well so troubled with burden of scents that it had to see animal doctors more and more nowaday.let it be.

2006-08-17 14:22:23 benz
let it be and let none of scent of it it desperate to left in ur mind.that’s all.
god warrant everyone is unique.but missing thing,like dog person, tried to peek others to compensate his emptiness.just let it be.never mind they a second,like u don’t mind flies and bugs.
baby,i likely timed out this time.i tell u in the end i heard ur singing from the radio saying u will live happy with my love.that’s my best news.i love u.kiss u with my freshest beat from my heart.

2006-08-17 17:51:40 benz
u sing in the radio u r selfish on my love and demand all of mine,that’s right.love definitively the selfishest emotion of human relation,except god’s love.i also demand u fully,with ur best and ur lest.
i now sat near the back door of the cafe,ready to exit.i flirted with neighbor girl to shift illwill around exerted on me.i hope i can return here after i take full day care of my baby daily but i can’t assert.
the cafe had start to plot against me.i kicked 2 times within this post.maybe my song toward swan’s ending song.maybe my dance toward phoenix’s burning to rebirth.love planted in our heart,chorus echoed in our soul,gathering scheduled in our pledge.i love u.kiss u with promise of our union,our remeet.

2006-08-20 17:42:57 benz
i sat here in a sunny after rain sunset.my son’s mother was rid of the charging seat to her class so i had time in afternoon.the cafe likely can’t bring more pleasure to me.i had nothing to reiterate,except to let u know i suffer miss for u just like u.my son and his mother besieged by illwilled neighbors and i had to hold my son in arms outside to let him sleep in open air.live without house seemingly my fate to overcome.depressed lust sometimes let me smothered and desperate to miss u.
i need u,baby.my son bring happies any time when i caught sight of him but my desire for u is totally different.i sensed u visited me on last friday.in the night i woke up by ur compete with my baby son.i had nothing to say on this until the day u breed our children.
baby,i love u.if i spent time in idle,don’t complain my not accompany u here.i m with u any moment any occasion.let u speed up to decide the moment u lent me ur hand.i love u.kiss u with my sweatest dream beholding u.

2006-08-27 17:24:59 benz
so i be here again.i saw dawn pushing his way on bed outside the curtain after woke up by the pains u put another miniature last afternoon playing badminton and another girl breeding a rabbit,both ignited my sore temptation to chase after them like without memories after u ,and temp to miss u and hold u.i got up at 5 o’clock and wandered around the front part of qrrs but only collected cold.i then put myself on bed wondering till lost consciousness.that cured more or less my painful and stuffed brain and body.i waited and waited for my charging pda to be ok even i had started to murmur to u.
these days all sunshined in qiqihar.but gay and gray,thief and stiff pested me and my beloved.i enjoyed staying with my son,even that means paddling 5 hours or so outside without any eyecatchings,on contrast,limpets here and there.

2006-08-27 17:29:24 benz
last post was my first time i left without exchange of farewell.i felt need surf my oldtime passion tlf forum to recede my pains.so its likely u r part of mine from now,part of my mind and part of my inner.i laid myself on bed all the afternoon,with a stuffed brain and pains torn heart.my mind stopped 2 or 3 times and soon woke up again.but only found inevitable pains.with mountain mounted miss in my heart,i speechless,motionless.pains in my hearts as well as in my body,i know,just like ur eyes burn by tears.i always know u r suffering when i found my suffering.without u i m like the garden lack of an eyes,with u i like the dragonfly seeding the flower.without u i m like the water mill worn by invading of sands into its cog,with u,i like the fresh water gathered and lifted to a new height and runing singingly to its new feeding,its new drought land.without u my life like a aged song fading its rhythm,without u my landscape losing its interest center,like a twist mirror covered by dust

2006-08-26 18:14:56 benz
and laughed pointlessly and soundlessly to the mirrored vainness.without u my life proceeded like a roll losing its hand,without u my heart always begging and ramming into hard cold dark.
baby,baby,my kid,let me know if u r ready for me.baby,baby,my kid,let me know if ur head near my ear.
love u forever

2006-08-28 18:07:56 benz
i m here again,looking the road u left.machine dog and other spy eyes aimed at my pda and hard reset it countless times.last night i had a longest and most detailed dream in which i met my kid time folk friend,happened in weihai unv. and saw all collegians busy building marine robot.i seemed very enjoyed the dream and happy upon wake up.and i also had a nice day with my baby son outside in the morning.yesterday i beat him for he felt suffer loss when i run out of money to buy him drinks and food other dubious persons bought showily in front of him and demanded them unbendablely.we later reconciled after i persuaded him with preach and he surprised me with a buzz in after our daily bless in late evening and hummed to answer me without precedings.his mother and me both felt glorified.
however,loomingly ahead is that they to proceed to bet on poison,which just let god to laugh louder.they doomed to fail after all,after desperate to break my pda to free me once and forever.i m with no

2006-08-28 18:12:29 benz
haste to see all plays out.
standing sun surrounded by unclear mist now,but it still shines.and whats best he still fried all green things on earth.in the coming winter they can dominate the dorm to hack my pda as long as i use it,now that the chill likely will hamper my staying outside to read on it.they almost see their end and almost lose their temper and pretender,which almost let god see his laughter.
baby,i can call it a day now.i heard u sang in the radio a day that we need to embrace every coming day with high,i do my best to apply it.hope u practise it,too.time hold no brief for anybody,we just need to see through and stand firmly to last.every golden sunset now is our promised poise through cloudy winter to next prime time.
i love u.kiss u.kiss u with the brightest star from the most distant dark sky on my tongue.kiss u with my whole heart.

2006-08-31 18:36:13 benz
so its a day now.sunset redden the sky.i just returned from my baby son and finished dinner.i in a rush to here but without any message in mind to utter.its a nice day,even dark in the morning,for i had been hacked by pretender in the dorm via mind monitoring.but god let me just let it go and beam as usual.my baby slept in my arms in the morning and in the afternoon.in afternoon we were in sports yard where his mother’s school boy of first year undergoing army train.with enjoyable companion of soldiers i felt easy and indeed safeguarded with ease my baby’s sweat dream till his mother return from work woke him up.i even treat myself in the name of my baby a bottle of beer within a mean budget for meals.
i had nothing to complain about today even a bit dogtired for rambled outside for 8 hours with barely any stops to rest awhile.my baby also didn’t bankrupt my budget for his drinks and snacks outside.
i miss u,baby,some couples shown intimacy beside us on swing just remind me the fact

2006-09-01 10:59:39 benz
some human being enjoyed lover without deep loving while i deeply loving u but without ur companion right at hand.it also remind me i had a lot to do to keep our love timelessly fresh and acute.
today my son’s mother told me we all just got our new id card and ready to file divorce.i think it will be done within weeks.she also arranged her relative to care our baby son so as not to let me care my son late to 8:30 pm in this semester/term till her night lesson over.i will see my baby 2 or 3 times in daytime a week.i likely will spend more time with u here,even i desperate want to see and believe u rather than just being wired.i know u had ur timetable,but i want u to touch my skull and lips,like i kiss my baby insatiablely.
i love u.kiss u again and again.

2006-08-29 18:31:09 benz
so i m here baby.a day passed with no fault.my son slept in my arms each an hour in the morning and afternoon outside.we ate a lot of ice sticks as usual.in the afternoon he again demanded drink in addition and cried upon rebuff but soon slept.his mother let me free tomorrow and will call me to prepare working environment basing on my collection of 0day’s warez(an international pirate softwares release org) on her first notebook assisted by her school if its dispatched to her.i also felt glad for her.she admired it for quite some time and distant from pc for a rather long time since i always occupied our pc when we under same roof.i always spare no efforts to persuade anyone i met enjoys computer and digital gadget.
dear,i m now of peace and complacance.there several girls around me in the cafe and i immersed in sunshine enough in daytime to felt warm now.the only pity no doubt was of ur absence from me.last night i had a long dream in which i met my college alumni then sheered away to

2006-08-29 18:53:37 benz
visit the enterprise of zhangruimin,hair’s founder,finding feat and fake.the pretender monitored me mindly in the night and dawn,till my son’s mother alarmed me to leave.i really of no complain except the loss i suffered that u took away,ur beautiful mind and perfume body.ur glamor and ur calm.
i recently bought myself some jujube to remind myself my forever searching for u till i got u.u r doomed mine.in the end of time and on the seashore beyond the most distant sea,in the heaven and on the deserted earth i find u, and pick u.
i love u.kiss u.

2006-08-30 17:53:18 benz
so its another day now.last night i slept lately to defend my son from his mother’s dubious relative,the elder sister of her mother,once came to care her when our baby in a month to the world.i know my baby son untouched all over the world in which evil brewing,but i do what i liked to do for him.i drank a bottle of beer and found a large crowd in the dorm boiling upon my delayed sleep.mind hacking continued till late afternoon when i napped on bed.
now i had a home at myspace with url http://www.myspace.com/benzillar .hope a day i can enjoy it.this morning i brought some pc magzines from qrrs libary to kill the time.
after all i can still call it a nice day.even my son’s mother didn’t fetch her new notebook as intended,her school said it need to be refined in advance but just let me doubting the hacking hand from machine dog,as happened a lot of times on our pc.
bye.i setup my blog in chinaren.i love u.see u next time.kiss u with my tears in dreams

2006-08-31 18:50:21 benz
another day downing with rosy sky.i couldn’t be more happier.i holding my baby son slept in arms half an hour in morning and almost 2 hours in afternoon.right in afternoon when he slept in my arms i understand i can adopt skill of zen to abate bubbles from unwelcome wishes from adversity:settled/stillness.settled urself will settled ur beloved resulting in enhencing his/her concentration to warrant him/her win in adversity ,and the world outside settled in ur blink.i did it among a crowd as usual furiously aim at my slept baby.they let him irritated one or two times but didn’t woke him up.last night when i struggled with mind hacking in the dorm then gradually i fell into serenity in which i missed u solely.i then sensed ur presence haunting outside my door and i called forth ur figure im familiar and had some emotional exchanges with u without fear of being peered.i woke up at 7:00 and saw the bright sun first time recently.on dinner,i m so glad that i treated myself a bottle of beer

2006-09-01 09:23:03 benz
so its a new morning now.i had a nice night with world settled in my body breathing within god’s body,after i settled my mind and the ambiance,let every dust still in air and every moment at present.i love u,baby,god let u sang ‘TITANIC’s ‘my heart will go on’and other love songs in my radio i refurnished after years ditched and i m so touched.if there is a sense called love,i sensed it with craving;if there is a feeling in the name of miss,i miss u with ur every images left in my beings with no miss.baby,baby,my kid,drizzle last night was my tears for the pleasure u gave then took away,cloudy morning this time hints u put on more my cares against cold and indifference.baby,my kid sister,if there is a way leading light,god prepared it for us;if there r messages that save,i murmured thousands times in ur careless dreams.baby,my dear,if there is only a word for love,we say give;if there is only a flower in garden combing the love u hold for me under her bloosm,its bee is me.kiss u.

2006-09-01 11:47:11 benz
baby,i decided to shift my searching letter for u to my blog at chinaren and mypace.com without ur concent.its ur privilege but i think we have more ahead.for alumni seemingly less irrelevant with our love.
my blog at sohu: http://benzillar.blog.sohu.com/
my blog at myspace: http://blog.myspace.com/benzillar
my home at myspace: http://www.myspace.com/benzillar .where u can talked to me or left me comments.

1:08 PM

Friday, September 01, 2006
a busy day with sorting and shifting old posts.
a dismal day without dark outcome.i shifted alumni posts to blogs,at a price of 3 hours and 3 renminbi or more,and made some customization to these blogs.in the afternoon the radio elaborated on trust and i felt the migration was trusted by u.on bed listening to the music radio i sometimes felt choking throat.but i felt settled now.the world seems now opener for me with easy access to other bloggers,even under present situation i likely unable to skim theirs.u also seems closer to me,with easy access to comment on my blogs without letting me know ur real name,or even chat with me.i desperate for communicating with u.winter around the corner,jammed dorm can be more unpleasant.i don’t know how u deal with miss for me and jackass around u,but each time i felt worry about u i consoled myself u r just right beautiful and precious and dewy as i dreamed.the limpid to be limpid,the dirty to be dirty,the harsh to be harsh,all under god’s watching.i deserved u,perfect as i can imaging,u deserved me,dauntless to face any beauties or virtues.
i m to leave.tomorrow i believe to be a sunny day.at one pm just after i finished migrating post in chinaren alumni to blogs and returned to dorm i ate the last jujube. i felt its not a bad runout,and a new start.tomorrow i will go to see my baby son.rolling world gathers no mercy for broken hearts.i lived with a stuffed closet for u,burden made me strong,and indifferent.
kiss u.i love u.
6:31 PM

Sunday, September 03, 2006
it turned out to be cloudy.
i was left half an hour now after customise.still i hope i can talk to u.this afternoon i entrenched myself on bed listening music radio but still ill wishes from neighbor rooms in the dorm creeping on my skin.i had to trenched them with the radio and my tools.later i hear u sang, after rain and storm u will accompany me hand in hand forever,like rainbow shines after storm,i released and switched it off and to dine.now i m here aside ur ear,hope u can hear.

baby,i m to time out.kiss u.i love u as usual.i heared a lot of love songs in the afternoon,some complain,some applaud,but i stand unyieldingly to have u,nothing can break my will to get u.moon light every night cares ur dream in my deep glare.

now the second hour after exchanged daily bless with my baby.evening put the dorm in dark,weekends led its end.a bustle and hustle working day ahead.tonight might be a war field near my bed but im in ur bless,and god’s.these days i permeated in the talk to u and bugs likely summoned.i m of no trouble to lead it its due way.bugs even biting here, but they just dirty the air.

tonight,tonight will be stary.for all bugs and flies,the killing commencing.winter had drove them sheltered in the warm room,but them doomed to die.the only trash they brought is that we had to clean the floor to rid their stiffs.

tonight,tonight will be a peaceful night.autumn reaps our love,our passion.we r timed to relief,to wine.

kiss u.love u like the star above our head sky,with his light messenger without pause arriving our land,with patience with care.

bye.my dearest.

6:36 PM
sunny afternoon
baby,so im here.i made some amendments to my wording then half an hour passed.in the room listening music after last post i just want to talk to u more,and that let me reckon my budget.i’d better balanced budget among my baby son,u and my own to avoid deficit,but coming cold season likely buffers the running demands among my life through reduces on my baby son’s drink outside.

i seemingly had no urgence to utter.after all i m being with u.u touched me via flickering sunshine and periodical shaddow through my window.that’s ur changing mood in my gaze.i love u.kiss u a thousand times and a more time.

1:16 PM
a wet morning
so baby im here and hear.last night i return with sore all over my bady and in daily bless with my son’s mother i guessed maybe i was hurt by surrounding in the cafe and complained but later when i listening to the radio,the lingering sore in bady and mind let me recognize that u r sobbing.u know i ran out of words to express my loneliness and miss for u in the last post,but u still touched.baby,i can word to let u feel my love but i can’t award myself ur heart right now in ur vow; i also unable aboard to find u at moment,mopping ur tears and hopping u to our home.god let me here pile letters every day to lift me to reach u.

last night’s drizzle let some shallow pools on the concrete ground.its just our overnight tears of missing.last night i first time put on winter quilt,switched from thin towel quilt,let me restlessly awhile for hot,but i fell into sleep in unparallel short time.barks maybe rampant but thats all out of my dream.

bye,baby,my kid sister.summer rain day always let me happy and poetic but autumn rain day just let me sobering and sorry.i may hurt u but u know i did it mindless.love made me mindless.as the proverb saying, love empties brain,brain empties love.i had to fetch u,like i fetch my always cryings for u.kiss u,i love u.near and far.

10:14 AM
nice day again.
so god prefer my forecast to the radio weather forecast(saying last night cloudy in qiqihar today) and let it sunny today.i love it.my baby son got up at 5 o’clock and let her mother holding him outside to buy breakfast,likely irritated by the old woman of his mother’s relative.we played in the waiting room for his mother allowed to leave home after 9 am and had a good time.he later slept and slept for 2 hours till 11 am.i guard his dream with close eyes but awake aside him on bed.as soon as he woke up i held him outside to wait his mother leaving her school,and on the road we ate fried crab meat.

it can’t be more nice.at dinner in dorm canteen,4 or 5 tall girls all with enviable figure shown up and really let me licking.in these days qrrs,the workplace i was employed, seemingly held its annual autumn sports contest,and large colorful floats had been prepared in open air in the square for days.all seems bright superficially.

baby,last night u sang in the radio demanding me being braver,so i made a declare in ur alumni in chinaren.com at http://alumni.chinaren.com/class/class_index.jsp?classuuid=2817034545008715989 .i hope that’s ur alumni.none daunts me except u.

today likely the second day of the new semester of u.i m listening the music from the first visiting bogger to my blog at sohu.com,whose blog at http://caohaizi.blog.sohu.com/ .its title is ‘had to love’. i hope i here can add some love to let u high.

baby,its my second time here within 2 hours.i scheduled to spend an hour a busy day but had to add another hour to finished this blog after first hour timed out and returned to dorm.i m likely pinched in words tonight.the only phrase i needn’t concoct is my forever love,and the desire holding ur hands immediately.today i first time go to bathroom in summer.and every women seemed let me ignited.i search u in every women i sighted but only blured ur image in my heart and sharpen my miss for u,for i know ur the best in the world in my world.i hold u dear,baby,hope u endear me,too.

bye.kiss u.i love u like the moon light on ur desk in ur dorm through the window through the night.kiss u with my fatigue and sweater.

8:07 PM

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

sunny noon.
i just skimmed all visiting blogs shown on my blog and add one to my favorite.noon sunshine stings skin but let me soothed.in the morning after post,i laid my own on bed and felt cold.running mind wanders in force field of bugs and my gravity.3 hours passed without music in silence.god knows what i can’t betray and whom i can’t not to pray for.my blog led its first comment and how i wish its urs,how i hope its u teasing me.i prayed in stiff poise too long and only u can relief me.i kneeled too docile in the fate of ur choice and only u can settle me.ur faint voice like silver bell ring in the farest wind above city forest made me too hard to follow,ur once warm left on my body and soul under the thickening ashes after days and nights burning of my cries for u risk buried. dear, could i speak i would alarm u every dawn my presence above ur pillow, could i draw i would rebuild u from scratch for a shortcut onto ur door in dream in wet warm night.

bye.dear,kiss u.love u in my heart and in my oath.

1:17 PM

a sunny morning after disturbances in the forenight
so i was left less then half an hour after finding problematic server of sohu’s blog system,and a dubious reboot the pc in the cafe.last night i felt hard to sleep,first against bugs in the dorm,then it suddenly came to me if u r missing me and desire me.i then sensed ur restlessness,ur piteous taking with no giving,ur liking me with no loving me.deep night star pity ur trouble with silence.but all of us know u had to offer urself to me for the biggest pleasure u will enroll.all world see the theorem except u,except u blinded by ur love in fact in deep in guise for me.

bye.i love u.kiss u with the rising sun.

9:04 AM

sunny day even autumn sunshine limp |
so its a busy day with my baby on the road.he slept in the cool morning along the busy car track in my arms till a too loud speaker of a newly opened wedding photo company woke him up.we ate icecream and fried jerk till his mother returned with her new notebook of brand benq.at home we busy playing with the notebook and my baby couldn’t let him being set aside and also busy padding on it till his mother felt can’t afford.in the afternoon he soon slept after crying for his mother’s departure and the sunshine at noon also let me doze,but in fact we were surrounded by hunting people,mostly aged,they let my baby irritated several times but i just let it go.their power windblown after fired.thats all bugs can do.

so now i m here after a beered dinner.red sun still hanging on the western sky,indicating autumn can be shared even short.and last night was a waveless night.i dreamed of one of my sons,or my kid brother went to mental disease asylum to visit me but themselves trapped and supervised.then seemingly all my college alumni supervised in the asylum where a doctor directing us or them breaking lots of furnitures into pieces to migrate to a new place,a new asylum.i seeming just a side watcher in it.after woke up i found my curtains leaking light outside in the mid,and after curbbed the curtains,i found a limpid sunny morning.and i at once headed for my baby.

so its dusk now.beat and rhythm launched now.its a fast pace rhythm.bugs around me were replaced by 2 girls facing me.i was of no harsh.now its a love song,touching as ur smiles and tears,roaming as ur perfume and the flash in ur eyes.

bye.kiss u.i love u.in dream and in sunshine.

now another hour now that so nice a day and words for u lingering in my mind.night cafe like a play place with all gamers’ babbles,except me,except my sincerity to talk to u in the aim to win u stood me aside earlier.ur college life will gliding like still water,but deep running is ur tumbling undecided will on how u to treat me.my crying for u like a well known legend in ur common sense but it times woke u up in the deep night.i mean it,u more and more mean it.we can’t mingle it with any stories or laughters.my assertion on our marriage looming like a mirage under the sky,like a relic unearthed.u tried to tease around among ur classmates,ur casual qq friends but u just can’t find pleasure in them as usual.then u found u r doomed mine,mine as ur inevitable destiny.ur fate castled in my love,ur life cascaded in me the royal.u r one of the royal.my kingdom requisitioned under ur blink,my land spreaded below ur wind.we,my kingdom and me,the king,right in the wait for u.

bye.dearest.kiss u with the longest breath in the dawn.i love u,like the dew to the summer night sky.

7:03 PM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006

a fault free sunny morning with periodical breezee.
so i with u after breakfast.clear and warm autumn morning light charged me a lot.last night i easily fell into sleep.and i dreamed.i dreamed i almost missed the grand college entrance exam by my malicious cousin’s helping hand and let my parents in a fuss.but we,me and a folk companion,finally arrived before the last minute limit.zhou,the deputy party secretary of qrrs and another cadre came to our home to let me write down what i answered on the exam papers.when i woke up,its six o’clock and i returned to quilt after urined till 7:10.

baby,later after leaving here i will head for my baby son.hope u a wonderful day.last night thoughts of mingy hearts flash into my mind blamed that i m cheating u.and i review my behavior and really likes playing trick.but god always economic to the use of his superpower.great love great achivement involve great risk.i fenced against the exertion of dog’s penetrating then i soon slept.

bye.baby,my kid sister,i love u.kiss u with the perfume of nipped summer flower.

9:24 AM

a full sunny day
its almost a day now.round sunset especially large.in the afternoon after posting i sat on the bench on which i received ur arrival for an hour motionlessly.i still felt exhausted now after on bed for an hour listening music and dined.then i spent an hour in addition to add music box to homepage of my blog.its the only place i can feel near u,felt near the straw to save me from drain of miss for u.burning head like a blank bamboo basket holding no water from ur splash once in my pool.now im listening my selected song,’moonlight in city’, of xumeijing which sounds in my folk tongue like water beautifully still.she touched me,and i hope she also touch u.that compensate my work in the afternoon.

im now likely surrounded by bugs and distracted.im now on the second floor of the cafe,starsea internet cafe,peaceful dusk outside the window really placating.i m in a loss in the folk song i selected as the first song of my blog homepage.misery shaded in nowaday modern city life but they just lingering in hearts that sensitive.however,i lived fed and lounged and pains u brought me brought me baptism of fire and blood-soaked kinship.i love u.im in misery of ur setting but i still live with love,with love for u,for ur coldblooding under discipline and might premature stub of stubborn.

bye.kiss u.i love u.kiss u with honey among my teeth to soften ur hard heart.

an additional hour killed skimming visiting blogers.how i hope i can find u in them.

6:34 PM

a busy day indoor preparing working environment on my son’s mother’s notebook
my son’s mother took part in a banquet held by her colleague and i felt better stayed to accompany my son for he seemingly very dislike his mother’s relative caring him now.peaceful but lively evening benight the familiar mall and soft feelings float in my heart.no matter how alien im here,i met u here and what’s in point i talked to u here so lengthy and so steamy.in a sense i had been talking to the moon in pool in night so costing so impassioned.i do it,i like it,and i m to reap it.

instable cafe administrative system alarmed me and shut down in a second and let me lose all my wordings.so here another hour.

i seemingly had not too much to say.i broke my neck to look forward ur comment but in vain.i scanned all visiting blogger’s galleries,but assured none in pictures similar to ur image in my heart.maybe u in face to face deface urs in shot,then i think i can only wait ur knock on my door.i had to obey ur timetable.for god let me older and eagerer.

baby,i likely run out of words.daily murmur made me dull.but thats only way i can occupy u right now.

bye.kiss u.i love u.

9:05 PM

Thursday, September 07, 2006
turning out to be gloomy but now shining.
sorting music box.

needless to complain about my blunt brain in the morning and afternoon after posting here and on bed in dorm,ur bland mute had let any complains meanless.the sunset sick in the red clouds,that’s my sick pink cheek.i rush to here in pulse,linger here in gush,leave here in fuss,dumped in dorm in lush,god guide me through and seeing u,i vow in faith.

bye.kiss u.i love u like my beer.

6:39 PM

son still bright
just busy browsing visiting bloggers.bring me fresh warm wealth but without ur message let me distant in tunnel.

an hour idled browsing.im fading into mute,murmured hoarsely to inaudible.bye.kiss u.i love u.

1:22 PM

again sunny
last night i dreamed liu,the former chairman of the directorate of qrrs,in a meeting talking his bribery in the form of literature.i got up at 6:55.

morning sun mild and milky.last night after return to dorm after 9 pm,i drank a bottle of beer to soothe my lonliness.still dry air in my room listening my heart beat and every bite my miss for u in my mind.

dear,these days where have been?i check up any scent u can left in my blog but in vain.where i can find u,my girl?

bye.kiss u with pains in wound in salt.i love u.

9:17 AM

Saturday, September 09, 2006
cloudy morning but now shining.
today is maozedong’s memorial day.i spent all morning left on bed,half time listening music radio,half time in silence.love songs continued encouraging me to believe in ur love onto me but i just can’t assure.maybe i just worn,worn by ur tighten mouth,ur economics on ur offers to me the hunger.i sat now again in begging,begging ur shoestring left on the wane seashore in shoing the goose.i sat in a swarm of youngsters but i m afraid i m not young enough to be in apprentise foever without a foreseeable outlet.

bye.i’d better reply comments in my blog.kiss u.love u.

another hour passed browsing.last night my son’s mother told me he cried a long time after i left.when i talked to him at about 8:30 pm he acquainted me by hum.i love him so much.

bye.

here is the stamp of my presence in evening.refusal response upon my first attempt to blond let me sorry,what’s more she is really really beautiful and so attractive for me.god says love needs every day breeding but thirst let me indecisive now.what’s im sure is that i long females,to rid lonliness or save long depressed dream.i also sure god’s guide along my road toward my responsibility to attest my being, as his son,as his soldier,as plain truth.

bye.kiss u with sand on my lips from outside.i love u,no more no less.

11:58 AM

suuny morning returned
limp sunny morning returned to rescue me from dirty.last night i fought against bugs a long time in dark then like last time i fell into sole miss for u,i sank into serenity to recognized the daughter of a grocer near my son’s mother’s school where i with my baby son haunted and ate ice stick there,with whom i teased a lot.that let me doubting if we r simultaneously miss each other that save me from being bited by bugs via its superior power of love to the disgusting dirty of bugs’ ,or she received all bitings instead of me.i chose the former if i can choose.i got up at 7:07.and i still remembered the dream in which my working place holding a ceremony offering treat but i found no place to ate and toddled with bare feet among departments.that let me doubting if my supply was threaten by the company disputed with me.

bye,dear,kiss u.i love u as usual.

9:25 AM

blue rainy day.
barks last night let me restless.a neighbor guy even struck the wall two times to protest my radio but his real aim i think is to exert his brutality in my mind.when i got up at 7:05 i found my neck froze and had problem to turn around.near the door of the common a guy kicked forcily the door but i right mopping my eyes on stand and avoid being knock on nose.

i had a nice day with my baby son,even his cry upon my leave let me sorry.his mother first time offered night lesson and had to stay in school till 8:30 pm.i left at 5:00 pm and left my baby to the old woman he very disliked.we haunted the street in residential area when it drizzling.he let me bought 4 bottles of drink and spoilt 2 in the rain for fun but in fact to wash dirty wills from the crowd.his mother let him sleep soon after lunch and i sort her notebook aside him but he soon woke up.i gave up notebook and holding him in arms to let him continue his sleep.he again woke and turned agile after i attempt to continue works on notebook while he sleeping.my baby now very active to show his dependence on me and nothing can compare to the result of his love for his dad,me,in my heart.i think parents’ love to their baby indifferent dad or mother,but the creator’s love assimilating to god’s.i kiss my baby without reservations and always relief by god’s care for him.i love my baby so deep,not only for our kin but also his own cute,his incomparable charm,his duty shouldering our family glory and dream.nothing can square out my baby’s gravity in my heart.

after dinner,i intended to buzz my baby to let him know my presence around him even im absent,but a girl made use of the only phone in the dorm and i settled with my baby’s fate,his being blessed from god,and headed here.

baby,my kid sister,these days r hard time for me.i suffered wagging and fluctuation in our love and our marriage in view.i know u need freedom to let ur will enjoy its decisiveness,i know even i felt hard to endure loneliness and attempting to date with blonds in myspace.com after exhausting disclosure of my miss here,ur more prone to carouse in datings and tender feelings with casual friends in cyberspace.we r all free.if there is a law,its our selfishest longing for appealing soul,if there is a fate,that’s life’s burden to fullfill her missings.u left me without a cue till today,i clinged to my lost without a regret forever.that’s the start of a ordinary story we r in or not.day in and day out,i guard here in search of ur message,my lips can burnout for thirsty for u,but my eyeslid can never weighted by the dim and remote of ur trace.a heart can love,a heart of young.just set out ur sail with ur compass.ur wind favors me inward and the port is my hug.

bye.kiss u.i love u,like firefly love stary night.kiss u in the wind bring ur hairs jumped and mist on ur lips fresh.

thx god.

7:51 PM

Sunday, September 10, 2006
cloudy morning including flicering sunshine
so its a new dawn.its teacher’s day and the miserable memery of us people.i woke up and when i looked at clock its 5:55 am.i got up at 6:58.after breakfast when i used my pda found had to restore it from hard reset after being hacked to dead.i stood outside the cafe and restored it and back up but when i moved backup to a usual write lock sd card against hacking my temporarily writable sd card again wrecked.

last night i listened to music radio on bed after warmed the cleft on the heels of my drought feet in hot water and applied ointment,a song of theme of parents’ love and piety moving me,and i know i love u like my baby,i love u with all my tenderness to my baby except i want u communicate with me,with ur naughty and blunt pendency on the love between us.with my baby son i settled to let him will what he will to,without my mind eyes’ notice but with my full heart that knows and supports him whatever he will to do.with u i wouldn’t let u cruise too far from me and i need u guarding me in dark in unarmed.i also jealous toward ur any pleasure without me,even u always extend ur territory independently.baby,my kid sister,u live stronger now and i want to make use of u,make love with u.u know how lonely i was in fact; u know how i love my kingdom like my family,u know how i love u in my blood,u know how far a time past since i united with all my being as a whole with u inside, with the grand unutterable pleasure of being kin with god.i just need u to recall who i m and let me care my own via caring u.

bye.kiss u.i love u like the star’s cool and lasting glimpse.i also will not hesitate to chase after the blond after all.bless me with ur goodness.kiss u with tears in desert.

9:42 AM

Monday, September 11, 2006
peculiar bright sunshine at noon,tiny sun in mid sky
so dear,i m here again.sunny noon let me opener.music from radio in the late morning lessen more or less my worries about ur love for me.i was told love ,like something not countable counts while something counts is not countable,not to mean to count but counts on if u love any more.i love u like my hometown exiled me, i miss u in my farest floating dream,and my surest destiny,like death.only death can take me away in front of u and let us apart some time.u like the land on which i want to fly,u like my heel when i jump.god guides our reunification.

changing mood,however,buffets my sole heart.loneliness steals every doubts in my love to u and replaces them with relentless thirst for expedite love,for girls at hand.but the love for the blond is real,i don’t know what’s better to deal with u two,but i try my best to own both.i can’t side watch beauty around without lust,i can’t live with empty of u without clinch to a port of soul in buffets of emotional torment of loneliness,even temporary one.

bye.kiss u.i love u,in dark in light,in dim in bright.

1:05 PM

milky sunshine,a new day faint in cuelessness.
i woke up early and its 5:37 when i watched clock.i got up at 6:58.last night i fell into sleep easily.and i dreamed of exercised with some monks in prepare,one of them in family name of tu,in a shabby place in times before china’s liberation.then we slided to new china republic and witness election campaign around us.after breakfast,i listened a song lyrics “don’t compare me down,or i need only a minute to part u.” and i know i hurt two of my beloved.but what can i do?i murmured to the colorful screen in cafe all days and bled and fled as routine. last night when i clean myself a tall rough girl of somebody’s girlfriend there in the washing room in the dorm washing,really let me tremble with her smell her flesh shown out so near.i then know nothing can be compared with a girl aside u with her heart and body in ur palm.a bird at hand worth two bird in bushes,that’s definitely right.but what can cure me at present?what can compare to the sensational beauty of girl’s flesh?

bye,i under hacker’s attacks now.kiss u,i love u.

9:05 AM

a suuny day till dusk
in morning i busy with fix my pda.afternoon my son’s mother and her relative who help caring my baby son,accompany my kid brother’s wife and son to visit her stall.i held my baby son outside to sunburn.he played in the pool in the garden and giggled a lot.later he slept on my neck and in my arms.the sun just right to warm him.some cops training there in the sports yard,a volunteer socer team playing on the grass,and some dogs hunting.

i under hacks again,like in the morning here.dogs determined to bug me to test my temper to lose.

baby,bugs everywhere,threaten our peace in our love,in our miss.but water is always sinks mud.i look forward the day we laugh in our eyes face to face.

bye.kiss u.i love u.

7:37 PM

sharp sunshine all day.
its a quite warm afternoon and i cosy in sunshine till shadow of leaves scattered on my body on the bench.words posted here wildering in my mind and let me still in timespace.till,till here again and received blond’s second message with blunt refusal.its too harsh to let me run out of any wording.she said i like 80 years old with a kid.nobody telling me that,but quite some around me saying i look like 30 more.as to my late first son,that not my fault.it takes a long time to file me from a wild rocknroll fan to mild civil man,from long haired to short neat haired.local people rather traditional just loath to accept me and introduce me a wife till a divorced woman colleague introduced me one by the way in her second marriage.that year i married was my 36 years in the single world.my first baby aborted naturally for wrong sex under wrong conception about safe sex in pregnance and also after angered gravida.god took him aside him the god in his 3 month on earth in our family.that’s all pointless.what’s acute is why she hurt me so late.i can well be more sensible,more polite to know her tasteless to me.sorry for all caring me,sorry for god,sorry for my defacement to his glory and our endearment and selfrespect.

but i m not totally lost.i live with love in itself.

after all,its nice day.i shouldn’t complain bad weather ahead in good weather.so let it be.

bye.love u in peace.

5:36 AM

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
soft tending sunshine in the morning
i gotup at 7:04 am.its a dreamless night except wake of the refusal woke me up in mid night,as far as i know.the refusal from the blond,jamie,ruined my balance and i check fatetelling soft in anxiety and was told safe with cautions.

i again under hacks.

i m to care my baby.bye.kiss u in peace in blizzard.i love u that in peace.we surely enjoy harmony and placation in our relation in our life.

9:10 AM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
hot bright sunshine at noon.
i woke up at 8:35 am and got up at 10:19.last night i drank some beer,first at dinner in the need of bless,second in dorm in sorrow after posting here.bright sunshine since it tinted the curtain in my awake gaze on bed.i listened to the radio music since getting up.two songs elaborated on emotion and love.jamie called me a freak two times,and saying my old and to be older.i don’t konw why god let me so odd and lonely so far,in every adequate age i was left in a dim corner lonelily watching endorsed staging in limelight.when i assured enough to demand my share in love with girls and in place on the social ladder,i was told i was too old.is that fair?i don’t think so.will i cowarded into mute?no.

fight is routine for soldier.i needn’t accord or concord.world trapped with love,why i loose and single outside.broken heart need reunite,why my tears scattered all over my pits?

sunny sky and sunny air accord my wish.

bye.kiss u.i love u in peace.

1:28 PM

sunny till machine dog swarmed us.storm brewing.
it can be a nice day except in late afternoon some cops training in the sports yard and partaked the yard with a herd of elemental school students there playing socer when i let my baby son playing there.when i ready to leave a little boy playing basketball talked to me and we delayed to play socer with him and his pal.some cops then surrounded us.clouds then gathered till i returned and dinnered.now sunshine through the cloud but wet clouds covered most of the mid sky and a storm in anticipation.my baby cried loudly but the old woman just hide him in the garden to avoid he sight my leaving,shits,my baby needn’t be cheated to calm down.i left in advance to hand in fee for cable tv for his mother.

so its final time between jamie and me.she warned me with the penalty from ‘authority’ to prevent me from replying her.sorry.sorry for her losing temper.i just didn’t believe my losing.so,let it be from now.

dusk marching.i felt sorry for my future.selecting road following god is not as easy as picking a job.i was left with god,i was chosen for the sole role.

bye,i love u,no more no less.

6:56 PM

sunny all day.
so its evening now.i sat in the dark on the second floor of the cafe,even hacked and bugged so long but for miss of u i lingered here.the more i read yingying’s blog at http://yingyingxin.blog.sohu.com/ the more i felt my hope for my beloved sinking.the star still so bright and so cool,but its just so far and so quiet.music still talking to me,but i m more and more unsure about if i m her only audience.my road so far sometimes unreeled in front of my mind but i just smell a soundless laugh.i still sense and in faith, but evil sometimes shakes me into chill.i still under god’s guide,but the rocky road just spites me.

under hacks and bugs.

bye.i love u.kiss u with dignity and love.

after all complains,i will head high in next morning.let me be.bye.

another hour started at 20:50.i can’t help wildering yingying’s blog and her friends’ blogs and decided to rid them from my mind so as not to distract my pure admire for my beloved,girl zhou.for i would not accept my beloved among them.i demand my beloved to be pure for me,to be pure ferfect for me.

bye to all temps.

i have it.i have my girl in crown, in my kingdom or in god’s kingdom.

6:30 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006
a perfectly sunny day.
last night i dreamed of a carpenter,likely my uncle i never seen,worked in our home with a radio.i played with my radio but he let me lower my radio’s volume.i felt very gloomy for my job’s perspective in the dream.before this i dreamed of our college alumni gathered and those earned much in dominating post treating us and they even dosed some drugs.while i with my wife miserablely tried lots of means to make a living in the dream.i got up at 6:57 am.

then i head to see my baby son.its a sunny day from dawn to dusk.we toddled almost 7 hours outside all day.morning we played with a burning weed heap the gardener set and emitted a lot of smoke.then we played in elders’ gateball yard,where he made a water for the cold those aged brought onto him.when i holding him waiting his mother on the mall he slept and till a middle aged dog irritated him to waking up,he slept about half an hour.at lunch time i busy helping his mother deal with her notebook.in the afternoon,when we arrived the sport yard the machine dog again marched into there.so we left and went to south garden,where he insisted standing in front of three hooligans and stared them.then we played on the rim of the fountain.he giggled a lot with plunging an stick from an ice stick we ate into the water while i shouted ‘za(prickle)’ aside.when its 4 pm,we went to his mother’s school whose gate underwent renovation and a heap of sand there.he played with sand with great joyes.it really took him a lot of exercise to carry sand and scattered far aside.the watchdog of the school watched from our back and let my baby son mouthwatered a lot by his dirty will.we received his mother in the school.when his mother started to bath him i returned to the dorm.i had a beered dinner to thank given such a nice day.

dear,my girl zhou,so many years turn before since i started to search u via web.my confidence on ur back waned in these days surrounded by dogs and bugs.i know god’s attending us but he also knows how i need ur message now.in near cold wind,i need ur whistle of fidelity.on every pale dawn,i need ur warmth of presence.

bye.kiss u,my girl.i love u.kiss u with lavender smoke we gathered today.god bless us.

7:35 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006
sultry day brewing storm.
in late morning i haunted here to download the upgrade of the php web application my son’s mother adopted.after lunch i went to the libray of qrrs to borrow some computer magzines then headed to my baby son’s mother’s home.on the way a cop haunted around me for quite some times appeared and a police car ported under the building where our home located.today they r grinning to chin,for hacked me so tensively.they destructed the database when i almost called an stop to the upgrade to the website,just to showing the abused power of the state in their steeling hands,and their foul nose mousing everywhere in the aim to daunt cowards.dogs and bugs still now licking and biting here in the cafe around me.they r step by step installing all their weapons on their paws till entrenched with bare failure with their bare corpses all over.god’s laughing.but what can i do along the dogs and their host desperately showy around?let its way.

bye.i love u.like the moon light in autumn night,dry and clear.kiss u with pantings.

7:01 PM

Monday, September 18, 2006
sunny day as usual.
yesterday i worked out from 9 am to 9 pm to upgrade the website on my son’s mother’s notebook,except a dinner break.today i had to withdraw some money from my salary card i let my son’s mother hold in advance,for i ran out of board and lodge budget.my son took a bottle of soft drink in the morning and cried sometimes upon my delayed buying him ice stick.then the siren in memory of 9.18 bellowed in the air of everywhere and we sight the students of my son’s mother’s school summoned and pledged in the theme of trust.my son’s mother then approached us and lent me some money.with the money i bought my son an ice stick and i fed him by mouth to mouth as usual,and a cup of jelly and let his mates envy very much when he ate aside a sand heap where some boy kids and a girl kid playing there.and that’s our happy morning.we received his mother on the mall and returned together.my son soon slept after his mother breasted him.at lunch i busy boasting my works on her notebook and almost spoild our delicious lunch including steak stew.afternoon i busy on cataloging family album digitally but soon my baby son woke up by battery alarm of the notebook.he played with his mother’s relative awhile letting me work alone in his room.then we went out again.i bought him a bottle of water and a little bag of peanuts.he played quite some time alone on the grass between 2 residential buildings.then we haunted the south garden,where a couple shoting their wedding memories with full putons.we played on the ladder of the tablet,an old woman talking a lot with my son but i hardly understood what she talking in odd accent.then his mother arrived.she left the meeting of her school in advance.we all glad to see each other.

i m under attacks again.

bye.kiss u.i love u with patience and pains.

7:26 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
another sunny morning
i woke up at 7:14 am and got up at 8:17.another member of the room seldom returns or stays entered and made some cracks with his drawer.i dreamed of a male teacher in my elemental school in family name liu,talking about my composation and handwriting.then i found lots of wet soft scars of large area can be teard off on my right arm esp. on the root end of it,and other parts of my body,like worse vaccine effects.i asked about it to my wife in dream and she replied its liuyingzi,i don’t know what its of a liuyingzi.

these days i felt lazy to get up as soon as i woke up.i doubting if the neighbors’ ill wills’ infected me.the neighbor of my near side likely hooligans tentatively arranged there aiming me,they seemed seldom leave their room in the dorm all time,and esp. when i was at room.they sometimes tentatively shown me who they r among inhabitants in the aim to let their doggings dwell in my mind.

morning sun like an peaceful infant.but intricate dreams not lead me in wildering joy upon dawn it should.but after all i know nothing can stain the full landscape we have.

under attacks now.

bye.kiss u.i love u no matter chill or hot.

9:57 AM
Thursday, September 21, 2006
sunny autumn morning.
i got up at 8:02 am after woke up by phone call from my son’s mother inquiring instalation of soft.again dreamed a lot of familiars.last night just after i returned from xinqiang internet cafe just outside of the dorm zone i was reminded to doubt if i hurt others with my determination.the cafe i haunted,starsee cafe,nowaday seemingly seen many empty seats.last night when i posting in xinqiang cafe a guy first attacked me dirty mentally then soon abused and left after i defended myself.that left me doubting if most custumers of cafe just haunted there to fuck around.

now i m in another cafe,yiyou(righteous friends),farer from the dorm and near the working place i once worked.it charges 1.5 yuan for an hour but its monitor very large,likely 19 inch.i can say its cozier but i still favor cafes charging 1 yuan.but likely china sank into inflation nowaday.i heard agriculture products improving their prices.xinqiang cafe also charges 2 yuan for lcd monitor and 1 for traditional crt monitor.

bye.kiss u.i love u.no sooner no later.

10:12 AM

sunny day.
maybe i can call it a busy day.after posting i headed to visit my baby.he was sleeping when i arrived.so i start to sort pda warez i downloaded and moved to my sd card.when i almost finished it my baby woke up and walked beside me and stuck his head out paralleling with me and smiling await my notice.when i found him he beamed so warm that let me almost sorry and lost in moving.in the rest of the morning i had to fight against his cries for my caress to finish my work.at lunch his mother brought a notebook of her colleague to let me restore its infected os,then i found its original os cd is linux with backup while now its os is winxp.so i was assured that their notebook were ‘benchmarked’,i mean hacked.

we went out lately at about 2:30.i bought him a bottle of juice,a cup of jelly,an ice stick.the grocer woman commented my baby’s face very likes mine.when he ate the jelly a long queue of pupils passed us and we divided them in the mid.then we went to sports yard.when i open my pda to watch time the cops nearby immediately soft reset it to remind me their presence.i really didn’t notice them then.so we went to south garden where we played with water in fountain with our juice bottle for some time and some mothers and grandmoms watched me around,which common for us.then again a swarm of pupils entered the garden and scattered everywhere.some of them brought notes with them,likely an practise of outdoor observation.the director of the garden shouted to the dean,a tall woman,claiming the children can lead danger to the garden,esp. the aged,and blamed her not inform him in advance.in my view its just a trick to showy his charging,like any cadres of nowaday china raptured in their power.i witness aside and sometimes want to calm him down but fianlly give up.i love the blue sky and the sun and the children like flowers,but them just kept in close rein in nowaday china.from kindergarten to elemental school to middle school,all with steel door locked inside,in the title of security.in fact,china ‘secured’ by machine dog to smother.like internet cafe everywhere in the hand of relatives of cops,all under the title of censorship for the sake of mindless and mind-needless parents to bankrupt the quality of service and freedom of life.

this post is first time posted in another cafe near the dorm.its service likely inferior and bugs everywhere.but till now i seemingly didn’t being hacked.

bye.kiss u tender.i love u with dry cry in daytime in colorless autumn.

6:56 PM

Friday, September 22, 2006
2 days before dogs’ hunting.
2 days passed just attempting prepare a clean pda.yesterday i busy from morning to a full used afternoon to prepare installing a clean os of my ppc but just when i finished and underwent backup,the sd card was hacked or formated and lost all my works.i busy to restore it when my son with the old relative returned from outside and its already 5:20 pm and more.i had to consoled my baby craving for my caress to finished my ongoing work.then its 6 pm and i worried about my bike whose front tyre leaked in the morning and when i held my baby outside to see it it indeed empty.then i held my baby receiving his mother in her school at 7:00 pm.for its late to let the bus out of service,i ported in my baby’s mother’s home a night.this morning i continued to work on pda till i felt ready to install all programs in a safe place,then i returned to the dorm.i rest on bed for an hour then felt the sportyard of qrrs is a good place to operate on my pda,for its spaciousness can kept monitoring equipments invalid.i installed on my pda there where a chorus practised there.but again i found my newly installed os infected.so i returned to my baby’s mother’s home again,now that she also hope me attending baby in the afternoon and rest tomorrow.this time i operated on the stairs and seemingly less phenomenon of being hacked.i returned after 5:30 pm.

bye.i love u.kiss u with rest of fatigue.

8:06 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006
peaceful sunny day.
last night slept lately around 11:30.this morning i restlessly want to prepare myself a clean and ready pda.so i went to qrrs’ free cafe but found its out of service.then i headed to starsea cafe and download some stuff i wanted to update and attempt to move to one of my sd card to install but failed,likely i wrongly set the sd card read only via software protect.but i redeemed being hacked so i shift to No.2 dorm and found a room open where a guy on pc.for unknown wrong settings i again failed.returned to my room and played with pda and just after i restored os from writeproof sd card and reboot my sd card missing! then i tried another sd card,it read.then i let the wrong sd card writable and in a minute it appeared in the device list but there is nothing on it.just in the moment it lost all data i had worked 2 days on.neighbors furied seemingly.i decided returned to my baby’s mother’s home again.when i arrived there,her mother and the wife and baby son of my kid brother already there.i prepared all cabs and went to the ground garden to install again.and all seemingly smooth with cautions.then my son’s aunt buzzed in and let them eat out.i backup the pda indoor where my baby’s mother tutored a girl student.she headed to the restaurant before me 15 minutes or so.i finally finished all installation and backup.so i also went to the restaurant.they chose a closet with 2 tables,one we occupied and another empty yet.when i almost finished my dinner the neighbor customers arrived,some men and some women.my baby son started to be irregular.his aunt commented we spoilt him for before we couple arrived he quiet.i held my baby went where he liked and found many male customers bare their chest,ie.half nuked and haunted around.that let me unpleasant.i felt waited enough time outside and return but found their still there eating,except the aunt missing.i irritated and cursed his mother.she didn’t repent and breast my baby and he soon slept.i left abrupt.i even envisioned its a plot from dogs union,with which the aunt(my baby’s mother’s kid sister) likely familiar.

i returned and enjoyed settled pda while waiting daily bless phone.but it didn’t ring.so i buzzed in and no one received.so im here.

i love u.no matter how far u were,i stretched out to read u.kiss u with beaming smiles.bye.

10:08 PM

Sunday, September 24, 2006
an ordinary sunny day
these days played with warez.last night i lately enjoyed my settled pda,reading the bible and found peace.this morning i woke up at 9:20 and start to read the bible at once,till felt thirsty for spiritual works.so i headed to the cafe to search english version of ‘communication with god’ whose chinese version i almost finished on.an hour passed in vain but reapped their aftermate works from the same author in chinese version.then i went to free cafe of qrrs to sort downloaded but can’t help continuing search as soon as siting there.last night i skim my posting within chinaren alumni on my pda i backup several days ago and found lots of typos but i think its better let it be to reflect my clumnsiness then, and needless to say machine dogs’ breaking in anonimity.afternoon sunlight witnesses my reading on the bible on the bench in the garden till my pda run out of battery power.in the morning i worried about my baby’s suffering due to the adverse environment,but it disappeared after i immersed in messages from the bible.god arrives when i in need of him.i really felt entertained by the convenience of pda.

tomorrow i will see my baby son.i will compensate him all my absent attendance in these busy days on my pda harrassed by dogs with full time caress for him.in fact in late days he started to play with other members of the family and left me alone.i love him so much,and i from the button of my heart don’t worry his forture or fate but i ought to do my best to lead him a more enjoyable way through his infantile years in the world which he to steer.

bye.i love u.

here another hour at 10:11 after i successfully backup my pda again with some customise and adding spiritual works i got today onto my frequently broken sd card.dubious persons around me when i hided in a far residential area in the opposing side of the dorm along the main street to operate after cleaning myself and exchanged daily bless with my baby son and his mother.i now felt really cosy,mostly for the successful backup.i failed so many times near the dorm.i know i will win under the bless of god’s message,and i indeed.thx god.

my udisk is full,so i likely can’t download any more.so i really don’t know how to kill this hour.maybe i will leave in advance.

i love u,baby,these days a tall girl with longer wrest dwelled in the washing room and met me times.i really in need of women,u know,she was rough, i can only felt more thirsty.god feeds everybody,but i only want my share of love and my girl and my peaceful family.why u detain my pleasure with u in our family in communion?

these days i returned to starsea cafe.the first day i return i was not showily hacked,then being hacked showily in the after days.i now being bited.

bye.god bless u to miss me.god let u sniper in cloak my misery of missing u and longing for the female.u know i will revenge u with deeper and everlasting love with u after we united.

bye.kiss u with fig leaves.i love u under the light of god’s dome,like lavender’s perfume in the autumn sunshine.

11:12 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006
rainning morning,sunny afternoon
i got up at 7:33 am.and finding its raining to wash dirty wills from surrounding last night to me and my baby.when i arrived at my baby’s home,he was in the old woman’s laptop being fed.he didn’t run into my embrace as usual as soon as catching sight of me.i kissed his leg as usual.then i holding him rambling,and let him play if he liked.he usually liked to mess cooking utensils and i just let him play with them.the old woman urged him to sleep but he slept lately after 11:00.i in fact sometimes itching to backup my pda but i held back my eagerness.i held him in sleep in my arms with quilt till his mother returned.she was obviously unhappy with me.she directly went to bed and refused to coorporate with me to let our baby sleep on bed.till she finished her lunch and went to bed again i laid my baby on bed and he woke up soon.i then finished my lunch and busy with backup pda.just when i almost finished it the sd card wrecked again.i don’t know if its a problematic card or my pda was hacked remotely by machine dogs.i was left to copy all backup again to it which cost me 3 hours and more to fill 1 gb disk.how can i complain with usb 1.0 and likely poor perfermance of card reader and the card itself.when i intended to leave i met my baby returned with the old woman from outside on the ground and i changed my mind to hold my baby outdoor till his mother returns.so we start our journey.he asked for a bottle of juice and a ice stick.he spoilt most of the juice on the rim of a garden where some aged sat.he practised walking on and climbing the rim for quite some times.he succeeded mostly except 2 times failed under attacks from persons surrounding illwilledly.his mother found us when we sat on a forklife in her school near the renovating door.she rushed to leave and let me pick her bike and i lost them in the crowd of receiving parents and i returned directly.

i waited for battery charge.his mother didn’t buzz in as usual.i buzzed in to inform her.she lately replied.she might suffering at a loss in the aim to reunite our family.then i went out to continue backup my pda and when finished backup and moving the backup to my sd card it finished,but when i powered off to unplug it to set it writeproof,it again wrecked.shits.i checked web for the problem but in vain.i more believed its infected by virus put on it stealthily remotely by cops.for just when i plug it in to my pda it immediately hanged.its all hackings,i know.

dogs nearby biting.

i here again in yiyou(righteous friend) cafe,fed up with being hacked in starsea cafe.

bye.kiss u with slaver.i love u in stary sky.hope u can see.

11:38 PM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006
brilliant sunshine at noon
last night i read my letters for u from my blog on my pda lately.this morning i got up after 7 am and continued to read them.quite some typos in them,no fault when jamie says i’d better learn more english to type correctly to let her understand more than 2 words.some errors let me surer that my posts were broken by breakers,ie. dogs union.after all,we all got it,under god’s guide.

i rambled outside of starsea cafe after lunch for about an hour.for im not urgent to utter.but many of its customers leaving in the end.and its neighbor vender,a funeral service agancy let lots of its young pals cleaning lots of dirty carpets outside and let out lots of dusts.so here again in xinqiang (newly strong) cafe also near the dorm,with whom i was attacked in my first time here several days ago.as soon as i settled a bug crawled to my hand,leaving foul smell.and i immediately being attacked.

i had not too much to utter now.settled pda really relieved me.i enjoyed it in the shine on bench in the garden in the morning till lunch time.recent nights witness my peacer sleep than before,and i know i left them behind more and more distant.that’s growup.god let us experience anxiousness,tensions,restlessness,just to let us witness the more and more opening peace on the land in the opposing side.through these negative feelings we made use of our will to choose the feelings we prefered to stay and to be what we want to be.from the early years in dark in mud,i learned more and more that we grow up in a faster pace in plenty in cares for the wider timespace of the universe than our animosities.we r to cradle the world.that’s our responsibilty.

bye.i love u.kiss u with dry tears in sunshine.

2:07 PM

sunny day,can be more sunnier.
i got up at 7:33.i immediately moved to the bench in the garden to sunshine.then in a pulse i headed to computer market intending to buy myself a sd card reader.in the market mall at the entrance of lift a cop in uniform left.i copied files on the sd card which can’t be found on my pda to the vender’s pc and found some of them can’t be copied.the copy cost a lot of time which i granted as usual but the vender suggested for a change of new and returning the wrecked to its manufacture and i accepted her suggest gladly.i test the new one and found it costs 40 minute to copy 500Mk,speedier much than the wrecked.then i went to my baby’s mother’s home and copied the missing files.in the afternoon,i cared my baby in sunlight full time.we ate peanuts,sunflower seedings,and ice stick as usual,against his mother’s warn.my baby slept later after 4:30 pm and woked by dogs among the crowd of parents receiving their children.

i felt so glad that i drank a bottle of beer at dinner.no matter if the machine dogs plotted it or plotted to pit me into anxiousity upon everyone,i adopted the convience of a speeder and a healthier sd card.

under attacks now.i m again in starsea cafe.

bye.i love u.kiss u with light heart.

7:19 PM

Thursday, September 28, 2006
cloudy morning,sunny afternoon
i woke up at 7:55 am and got up at 8:40.it was cloudy then,hardly any sunshine.i went to see my baby son at once.when i arrived he slept in the arms of the old woman who was watching tv.so i launched to update my pda with two softs,pocket earth and chess,and backup again.first time backup failed indicating infecting.then the old woman went to gerocery and locked the door too loud to wake my son up.i held him in arms to let him continue his sleeping and also attempting to operate on my pda,that woke my baby soon up.but i finished backup in time and started to let my son play with what he liked to play with.then his mother returned and told me our baby last night had problem to sleep and his mother had to hold him in arms to let him sleep.he got a little bit cold now,sneezed and running nose.i just consoled my wife take it ease for she condemned its my fault to let him sleep outside the day before yesterday.when we finished our lunch my baby irregular so we couple decided to hold him out in advance.we went to icbc bank to withdraw money from my salary card to deposit fix term for our baby’s education,according to quicken’s arrangement of financial plan.we each deposit 200 yuan a month for his college education.waiting his mother operating in the bank i hold my son to the nearby gercery shop to buy him a bottle of juice and a ice stick for my baby turned irritated by a nearby islamic restaurant.his mother got angery as soon as catching sight of the ice stick and left abrupt.but that not daunted us,we in fact ate 3 ice stick in the afternoon,spoilt 2 bottle juice and a bottle of water.when i waved the swing with my baby on my neck soon after his mother left,he slept on my neck.i at once move to sunshine in basketball yard and strode back and forth within the yard.soon some illwilled aged sat on the edge of the yard and loudly urged me to return to home.for my baby on my neck i can’t reply and they started to curse me.they woke up my baby 2 times but i determined to ignore these human’s dirty willes and rest in god’s dome.when they cursed me with pretended authority’s tone i left to avoid.we walked on another lane of the sports yard and my baby still slept on my neck till a middle aged woman asked to lend me a hand to shift my baby down but i refute and likely she exerted illwill behind us and let my baby wake up.

after all its a nice afternoon.we had good time in south garden.my son let me pennyless.but i still ate a banquet with a fish and beer at dinner in the common.

under attack now.

bye.kiss u with placation.i love u,with placation again.last night i buzzed my old father in my hometown in a mountain village in east of hubei province,central china and promised paying him a visit as soon as i being with u.sure he sees u and the day.

6:48 PM

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